The Woes of Being a Wallflower

Wallflower: Someone who sees and knows things but is typically out of the limelight because, well, they’re shy.

I’m from an all-girls Catholic primary and secondary school (elementary and high school). I spent about 11 years of my life in a trendy blue-and-white uniform surrounded by dozens of popularity-hungry girls as I navigated through the academic chapter of my childhood.

My decision to become a Wallflower came when I was about 9 years old.

I had been a Regina George in primary school with a haughty attitude to match. Many of my classmates started spreading rumors about me being a bossy person and pretty soon, schoolmates whom I’m not even acquainted with were judging me. Because of this sudden blow, I had started to re-program my attitude while building a way of blending into the background. It worked so well that even my teachers started to notice less and less of me in a classroom setting.

Don’t get me wrong – being a Wallflower has its perks. Teachers think of you as quiet and obedient, while mean girls generally can’t see you. It’s a win-win situation if I might say so for myself. But even with its upside, there is a down-side.

And that is: You almost always turn out socially awkward.

My Wallflower abilities had developed so well that I even had an issue with keeping eye contact in a conversation. It plagued me for 6 years until I turned 14 years old and figured that talking to a future employer’s forehead was grounds for permanent unemployment.

I’ve never been in a relationship nor do I have any close guy friends. My closest friends are females but unlike me, they’ve had no trouble approaching the opposite sex. My mom had always told me that I’d eventually make more male friends when I started teen Catechism but the Wallflower side of me still prevailed. I skipped social gatherings which included church camps and field trips even though it would have been the perfect place to make a friend or two.

I’m 26 now and being a Wallflower is still in my nature. Social settings have gotten less awkward but the cautious Wallflower side of me still keeps an eye on the situation and the coziest corner away from the life of the party. I’ve started using dating apps to break out of my socially awkward shell but though the profile has been set up a week ago; I’ve not initiated a like on any prospective male profile.

At this rate, I’m starting to think that I might just end up with a house full of dogs named after celebrity men who I’ve dated in my dreams. Good boy, DiCaprio!

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